whispers in the darkness

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

2005-02-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

How can we end
What we so solomnly promised
In sickness and in health
In riches and poverty
In unceasing arguments
And snide comments
Lies and deceit?

How can what was barely begun
Be irretrievably gone?
Slipped through fingers grasping for succour
For help
For love and affection.

How can it end?
How can it be termed as ended?
Who ended it?
He, as the man who walked away?
Me, as petitioner?

And if, as it has been decreed
It is ended
How is it over?

In sanity we toil

2005-02-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

To insanity I flee
To the demons that are my familiers
If not my friends
Away from this world that asks so much of me
And seems to give so little

Until,
Looking closer
In the beauty of a flower
And the summer breeze on the nape of my neck
Joys so small
So powerful

I am flooded with peace only when I do not seek it
Given hope when I have given up
In these moments
The gentle air quells the burning sun
And I am free from myself.

Wild at heart

2005-02-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

The wild moors beckon
They cry to me
As though I was lost to them

They live in me
I feel the chilly, raging wind
And breathe the fresh air
And whilst I walk on cobbled paths
And paving flags
I tread only gorse and heather

I am many miles from the moor
But I shall never leave it

The dreams of the wuthering places
Return night after night
Calling for me
Begging me to return to them

I need not return
I see it all in my minds eye
I know every inch of my beloved fantasy
I carry this knowledge
Like a smile on my face
Like a song on my lips

The wild moors beckon
And I answer

Dreams

2005-02-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

Rode Unicorns
Chasing my dreams
White horses galloping
Sped my dreams away

Watched firefly nymphs
Dance to my biorhythms
Saw the sunset balloon
Into mushroom effigies

Sang with joy and shame
Called for a God to appear
But my dreams cantered past me
And no God came

So in cool streams I bathed
Wandered lost through dark forests
Conversed with madness
Courted death

But death shall not have me
The clouds foretold my fate
Made equine shapes on papers of blue
Footprints in the snow

Moods

2005-01-19T16:45:00.000-08:00

I have these moments of hilarity
When puddles have to be jumped in
And jokes have to be cracked
Swings are there to be swung on

And I have my days of depression
Tears spring readily to my eyes
I am listless and down

But I have excellent ups
Where the world is a laugh
And there's apound of humour
In every slice of life

But some days I can't get a grip
And I'm losing all touch
With happiness,
With hope

And then the rollercoaster is
Going skywards
And it's a gas
It's a game
And I laugh so much I cry

Until I cry

Riot

2005-01-19T16:41:00.000-08:00

Shouting
Screaming
Two sides opposing
Accusing

The missiles are thrown
returned with vigour
The fight escalates
Into anger
And violence.

Kicking and punching
Pulling hair and biting
Like crazed animals
Intent on the kill

Intervention comes too late
The battle is over
Its combatants in tears
Wanting cuddles from mum

My Darling

2005-01-19T16:38:00.000-08:00

this is for my son, written when he was small.

"My darling"
He said to the beetle
That lay in his palm
Quite dead

"Is asleep"
He told me
Shaking it
Urging it to fly.

It dived uncaring
Into grass and obscurity
"My darling!" He cried
And then he wept.

Turned Inwards

2005-01-16T02:19:00.000-08:00

Caress this mark
This jagged scar
This is what I am
No, don't cry
Don't turn away
I can see that it repulses you
You are revolted by this notion
Kiss me
Kiss me
Don't turn away
I have more of this nature
See,
This is another
And yet another
My skin is creased with past pains
These scars will outlast the tears that I cried
And my tears scarred also
For where they fell-
No, don't shudder
You must understand what these marks are
You must know
No, please do not shake your head
I am beautiful in my mutilation
I am radiant
Bathed in soft light
Of the dawn glinting
On the cherished blade
No
I am not crazy
Touch this ridge
feel this knot
This is my pain
Take my pain and make it a part of my memory
My scars are beautiful
As I am beautiful in our pleasure
Don't turn away
Don't hurt me.

EX

2005-01-16T02:15:00.000-08:00

I remember us together
And in our short liason
What fun we had.

I remember laughing
What is perfection
To what we had going?
We wanted it all.

I remember little things
Fondly, and with affection
I remember you the same way.

I remember parting
Growing up, growing apart
Rather sooner than later.

I remember what wasn't right
Knowing the fun wouldn't last forever
How mismatched we were.

And seeing you I am reminded
Of how much better friends we are
When attatched to other people.

untitled

2005-01-16T02:06:00.000-08:00

I lie abed no tears to weep
I close my eyes perchance to sleep
No dreams tonight of encircling arms
Just an eddy of emotion yet to calm
Of love, zest and life once did I dream
So simple these plans, these passionate schemes
But they all slipped away as the years rolled on
I'd no sooner turned around and the time had gone
Friends became distant, just memories and snapshots
The days passed away as I lived like a robot.

One day I shall wonder where all my years went
And I'll come to the conclusion that they were not misspent
Maybe I'll forget what I'd set out to be
What I wanted to do and who I wanted as me
The girl who I was will be lost to the past
And maybe the woman will have happiness to last
It's time to look forward to the days yet to come
No time to sit brooding, what's done is done
Cradle to grave, each day a fresh start
A new chance to look at life with an open mind and cheerful heart.